Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Howdy Neighbor!

My Neighbors have resorted to writing detailed, obnoxious, letters to each other over a dog barking.
The letter you see is from my lawyer-in-training neighbor downstairs to my seemingly normal nice neighbor next door.
My favorite line reads, "That being said, I do not appreciate juvenile notes making unwarranted presumptions and threats! Especially when they are signed 'management' and the REAL management told me they had nothing to do with it. Please save your threats for someone they will work on". Regards, Jeff
Taking a picture of this to share with everyone may be somewhat scandalous and desperate but that seems to be the theme in my building.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

There is a phenomenal scene in "American Beauty" when Lester (Kevin Spacey) is trying to reason with his wife, Carolyn (Annette Bening) about their meaningless material wealth. He tries his best to seduce her and inadvertently almost spills beer on the couch. Check out the clip:

I often think of this scene and am terrified of turning into this. The tragedy of it all is that I think we have no choice in this country. Just last night Tom and I had a discussion about ‘bucking the system’ and not ‘following along with everyone else’. We were also sipping Starbucks at Target.

You can’t win!! ITS JUST A COUCH!


Monday, April 12, 2010

An Investigative look at my Job (s)

Customer Service is a tricky little monster. I have been unhappy receiving AND giving customer service. One of my jobs requires me to give enormous amounts of CS and I have come to a few conclusions:

1. As a consumer, you have been trained to act as though you are Paris Hilton when you shop. You are entitled to everything because you HAVE MONEY TO SPEND, DAMMIT. Ever notice how rude people are when they shop? It is because everyone is on their downtime. It is Recess for adults. Instead of pulling your classmates hair, or sticking your tongue out at everyone and anyone, you are rude to the bitch in front of you who walks too slow, and/or you loathe the person who checks you out because they don't give two shits about the dreams you are purchasing that happened to be on sale, thank you very much.

2. It is a lose/lose situation. On my end of the consumerism stick - the product you are buying does not contain the magic fairy dust for me as it does for you. I get it. I've been there. You walk into a store and you are hypnotized by the smell, the lights, the promises! OH. THE. ROMANCE! However, when your job is to stock those promises in neat little rows, and the smoke has settled and you realize that what your selling is just junk? Well, Retail Depression sets in. You could compare this to a bitter divorcee who is at a wedding, "Yeah, I remember feeling like that. IT DOESN'T LAST". *swigs champagne

3. Most people who work Retail are not deadbeats. If you honestly have this attitude, I hope the next time you shop your car gets mysteriously hit, you are given decaf at Starbucks, and Jesus eats popcorn and laughs while he listens to your prayers.

Happy Shoppin!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Welcome to my new blog!

I have been asked by a few people to start one of these and although I sometimes find the idea a bit self-involved, I decided to go for it. Flattery won't get you everywhere with me, but it will get me to start a blog.

Since I am new to this, and I'm at the risk of sounding like a crazed rambler, I guess I will start with an Introduction:

This American Dream Beauty Queen originated in Freeburg, IL., a very small town with a 'Midget' as the mascot. (I will elaborate on this soon) Life in this town could be understood by listening to pretty much any classic country song. Most of the time I feel down right trite about my background, and often feel as if I don't have anything meaningful to say or create because of it.
Whew! Modern technology sure is the new diary...
Anywho, stay tuned. Some of this may be boring but who knows? You may grow to love this American Dream Beauty Queen :)